Do you ever have one of those moments when someone says something and you just want to throw daggers at them? Granted, I feel like I have many dagger moments, but the latest one not only had me throwing daggers but it had me really thinking about my purpose in life.
B came home from an evening at a friend’s (girl) house and upon further enquiry…okay let’s be honest…interrogation (anyone with teenagers totally gets this…..it is what we have to do to pull an ounce of information out of them, especially boys!), he told us what they did that evening. I think I totally zoned out when I heard, “and Mom, they totally love to cook so they are always making something when I am there”…blah, blah, blah…and then we watched a movie…blah, blah, blah. OMG….that statement not only hurt my feelings but it was as if he soccer kicked my gut. Okay, okay, I get the fact that he wasn’t around when I was catering, and my expensive diploma from Purdue (Restaurant Hotel Management) is buried in a filing cabinet; and the wonderful gourmet meals I used to prepare for Patrick came to a crashing halt when 2 little munchkins came along and decided they didn’t like any of the fancy foods being lovingly prepared. They showed their appreciation by taking target practice at the floor and walls….enter from left stage…drum roll…15 long years of kid food!
I am digressing. What B doesn’t realize is that I had goals and desires. In college I truly thought that I was going to be the CEO of a food conglomerate by the time I was 30. Yes, a little lofty dream, but mine all the same. As it happens to most women, and now even men, marriage and motherhood make for ALOT of compromises in life. I have given up on the notion of ‘having it all’ and doing ‘it all’. It can’t be done….my opinion only. My goals upon graduation:
1. Move to a big city with Marriott and somehow convince my then fiancé to move with me. Move up the ladder very quickly and make such a name for myself that upon reaching the old age of 30, would be stolen away from Marriott and whisked to a top 100 food company. HMMM…I told you lofty dreaming!
2. Have a fabulous husband, with 5 adoring children wearing perfectly pressed clothes and hanging onto our every word like we are the smartest 2 people on earth.
3. Having a nanny to take care of said 5 children, because husband and I are sooo busy with our fabulous careers that we are never home. While we are on that, need a housekeeper also. These two can’t be gorgeous though, can’t have the husband straying!
4. We were going to be on top of the world and have it all!!
Reality Check: Left Marriott after being offered that fabulous restaurant management job, to marry fiancé who refused to relocate to the NYC area. Took a detour to the fashion industry, got back on track with a restaurant in Cincinnati, took another detour when my two beautiful children arrived became a SAHM and then drove totally off course with my current position in Finance. I have 2 children, not 5. They are not perfectly pressed, and they DO NOT hang on our every word. We do not have any nannies, nor do we have a housekeeper, but I do feel like we are on top of the world and have it all.
Will I ever get back on track? Do I still have the same goals and dreams? Will I move to my favorite city when I am 55, as I promised my husband I would? Have I made tons of mistakes raising my boys? Yes, yes, maybe and yes!
We all have to make difficult decisions. What is right for one person is not the correct path for the next. But every move we make says something about who we are, our lasting footprint that can be tweaked, pinched and molded anyway we want!
What was your hardest career decision?
By the way my sweet B- I LOVE TO BE IN THE KITCHEN! WATCH OUT…no more kid food for this household!
Shaunna, I am so with you! I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE NYC but my farm-equipment saleman husband would HATE it!! I thought I would be running the world, but am quite happy running our household in Gas City (where?? that’s right–nowhere). My expensive Purdue degree in Finance was used for about 12 years, now I’m SAHM and baking cakes. Thought I wanted 4 kids, until I had 2 and discovered that was plenty to keep us busy and broke. But, like you, I feel like we’re on top of the world (our world anyway!) and we’re very fortunate to live the life we have.
I don’t think we are alone. I am sure if we polled people, more than likely everyone has made a career change or two. I loved being a SAHM, had plenty of time to try new things and create new projects….much to PT’s dismay. Envy you!!! But since we both Love, Love, Love NY…I forecast a roadtrip in our future!!